Moving Out, Moving On

Accepting my new life has been a little difficult for me, and it's only going to get worse once John moves out.  About 2 weeks ago, he started packing.  It hit me so hard that I begged him to stay and try to work things out with me.  He accepted, but it was a halfhearted attempt on his part, which put us right back to him packing.
The plan is for him to be not living here by Wednesday.  He has a temporary place to go, and I'm being nice enough to let him move his stuff in the garage until he has a more permanent place to go.  This will be hard too, because it means eventually he will come back for his things, again bringing on a lot of emotions.  But I want to be nice and save him money on a storage unit so he can move on with his life.

I'm really terrified, not to be alone, because I already felt alone, but scared to do the adult activities on my own: paying bills, raising 2 dogs, mowing the lawn and other adult things that I must do.
Mostly, I'm scared that my dogs are going to experience more alone time while I'm working my busy days at work.

As my best friend said though, its time to put my big girl pants on and be an adult.

On the Horizon

Through my whole situation, I have been really trying to focus on doing nice things for myself.  I'm no longer a "we" or an "us," which gives me a nice little excuse to do this.  Plus, once again, all of my money belongs to only me once again which gives me some freedom.
One of the things I'm trying to do is plan more vacations.  It has been way to long and overdue.  The first trip I'm taking is to Kansas City.  Exciting right?  Just kidding, this one is purely for family purposes.  My grandpa is turning 90 so it gives me a good excuse.  Plus my favorite cousin is there and it's always so great to see him!
My next trip I'm planning is to Las Vegas with a couple girlfriends from work.  Were looking at some great deals!  The main hotel were looking at is Treasure Island.  We found a great deal for $218, this includes flight, hotel for 3 nights and a show.  How can you beat that deal?

My last trip is to San Francisco, and it's hands down the trip I look forward to the most.  My girlfriend Katie and I are both single gals now and have decided it would be really fun to take some trips together!  I'm most excited for San Francisco because I have never been, and because my mom has really built the place up for many years.  I have started to look into activities we can do while were there, and I'm really impressed with the selection.  Here are some of my choices:

Alcatraz:  I love history sights such as this, especially one that has so much disturbing history.  One of the things I would have loved to do is do the night tour (haunted feel), but after talking with a few people, they said you miss a lot during the night tour because you just can't see as much in the dark.

Fisherman's Wharf:  More than anything it looks like a historical sight, but from what I have been reading, it reminds me of Navy Pier in Chicago, which was my favorite thing there.

Aquarium of the Bay:  I have developed a fear of the ocean, somewhat of an irrational fear, but I'm also hugely interested in it.  I took an oceanography class in high school, which is where both my fascination and fear started.  So although I don't enjoy getting out into the ocean, I do love seeing whats inside.  That's one of the reasons I'm so excited to do this.  It gives me best of both worlds.  I'm safe yet fascinated!

Japanese Tea Garden:  This one is a little lower on my priority list, but still an interest.  The pictures that I have seen make this place look beautiful.  I have read really great reviews too.

There are more things in San Francisco, like the Golden Gate Bridge, and much more.  I'm really excited to see everything out there!

Set Me Free

Weep not for roads untraveled
weep not for paths left alone
cause beyond every bend
Is a long blinding end
Its the worst kind of pain I've known

Give up your heart left broken
and let that mistake pass on
cause the love that you lost
wasn't worth what it cost
and in time you'll be glad its gone

Weep not for roads untraveled
Weep not for sights unseen
may your love never end
and If you need a friend
there's a seat here along side me...

Moving Forward

I am officially not getting married anymore.  That makes me an ex-fiance.  I'm still not sure how this happened and part of it is definitely a blur, but I just have to trust that this is the right decision, that this is exactly what I'm supposed to be doing. 

Even the Sun Sets in Paradise

I'm at a payphone trying to call home
All of my change I spent on you
Where have the times gone, baby it's all wrong
Where are the plans we made for two?

Yeah, I know it's hard to remember,
The people we used to be...
It's even harder to picture,
That you're not here next to me.

You say it's too late to make it,
But is it too late to try?
And in our time that you wasted
All of our bridges burned down

I've wasted my nights,
You turned out the lights
Now I'm paralyzed,
Still stuck in that time,
When we called it love,
But even the sun sets in paradise

I'm at a payphone trying to call home
All of my change I spent on you
Where have the times gone, baby it's all wrong
Where are the plans we made for two?

If "Happy Ever Afters" did exist,
I would still be holding you like this
All those fairy tales are full of shit
One more fucking love song, I'll be sick.

Oh, you turned your back on tomorrow
'Cause you forgot yesterday.
I gave you my love to borrow,
But you just gave it away.

You can't expect me to be fine,
I don't expect you to care
I know I've said it before,
But all of our bridges burned down

I've wasted my nights,
You turned out the lights
Now I'm paralyzed,
Still stuck in that time,
When we called it love,
But even the sun sets in paradise

I'm at a payphone trying to call home
All of my change I spent on you
Where have the times gone, baby it's all wrong
Where are the plans we made for two?


If "Happy Ever Afters" did exist,
I would still be holding you like this
All those fairy tales are full of shit
One more fucking love song, I'll be sick.

And a few simple words from my best friend made it all better:
"Life may not always go your way, every once in a while you might have a bad day, but I promise you now, you won't ever be lonely. For as long as I live, there will always be a place you belong here beside me - a shoulder you can cry on and a love you can rely on. ♥"

This is it!

This week has been such a whirlwind!  On top of working President Obama's function and seeing him speak and working almost 50 hours in 4 days, I also came one step closer to picking a wedding venue.
I'm so excited because my mom and I are starting to get more on the same page, which is important since she and I are splitting the costs.  I want to have a wedding that John and I will not regret, but I also want to consider what my mom wants since she is also investing so much of her own money into it.
Let me clear the air and tell you that we are doing so much to keep the wedding below $10,000, which for those of you have have planned a wedding know that is considerably cheap.  One of the problems with that is finding a good venue.  The cheaper you go, the cheesier the venue is.  At times it gets frustrating, because in our eyes, we're still spending a lot of money for a place, so it's no wonder that were 6 months later from the first venue and we still haven't signed with anyone.  But, yesterday we sat down, decided what was important to us and decided it was worth an extra $1000 to upgrade on our venue.  This allows me to revisit my first choice!

Fossil Trace Golf Course

 

The views are gorgeous every which way you look.  They did a great job with their tree placement, as they block the views from the Coors factory and apartment complexes.  You also get a beautiful view of Table Mountain, and since we were not able to find a mountain venue in our price range, this is the next best thing.  Another great selling point is that it is on a golf course.  John and I are huge golfers and I think having our wedding at a golf course will make this more memorable.  It helps that they take us around the course in a golf cart so that we can take pictures at different holes (we definitely plan to take our clubs as well so we can get some fun golf pictures in our wedding attire).

We haven't officially booked the venue yet, so I'm trying not to get my hopes up too high, but I have a good feeling that this is it!

3rd Times a Charm!

Losing my running buddy yesterday was a little bit of unfortunate timing.  That's because I'm doing the Colfax 5k on Saturday, and having Mila out of commission will make it harder to train this week.  First, I really love running with Mila, not only does it help get out her crazy Boxer energy, but it's great to run outdoors and it's great to have that bonding time with her.  I could run with Miles, but he doesn't have as much energy and doesn't seem to enjoy it as much as Mila does.  It also doesn't help that he overheats easier than Mila too.  I could go running out on my own, but it's important to me that someone is always home with Mila to help ensure she doesn't rip out her stitches, especially in the first couple days.  I guess for now, I will just have to do my workout videos until I feel comfortable leaving her alone.
I'm really excited for the 5k.  I'm really enjoying this running thing!  I love telling my friends and coworkers about it, I love even more how impressed they all get.  This will make my 3rd race this summer and I'm so proud of myself for doing it. As I said for the last race, the free beer and t-shirt does help me get through the race, but there's just so many benefits of doing it!

 I can't wait to report how I do, and I really hope I can shorten my time even more!